Seriously...

Her: A week and a half of trite outpourings to get over some great love. Must have been very deep. Goodbye "psychobitch."

Me: Learning to accept my new reality & start to move on does not mean I am over it. It does not mean I am just fine & dandy now. I refuse to sit & cry every day. I refuse to let it bring me down. Attacking me for how I choose to survive & cope will not help you. Stop focusing on me. I am not the one that did this. I apologized for how I behaved towards you but this is NOT my fault. Even if I got my rock & best friend back, I couldn't trust him. I am accepting it but doesn't mean I'm oh so happy now. I do have a heart. I do have real emotions. I do have a damn brain. As I keep saying, if I knew about you, this wouldn't have happened. I behaved terribly towards you, out of shock, but this is not your fault either & I apologized for it. What more do you want?! I am choosing to not dwell on the bad. I am choosing to turn it around & wish nothing but the best & happiness for you both. I am not a bad person. I have done nothing wrong. All I did was open my heart to someone that took advantage. Everyone copes differently. I cried for a week straight & now I am telling myself to hold my head up. That doesn't mean my love wasnt real. Again. Attacking me will not change anything. It happened. And it was not my fault. But thanks anyway for the sweet nickname. I am truly sorry for everything, but again, we are both victims. Stop focusing on me. I am not the one that started all of this. I have done nothing now but cope with my own issues & trying to be respectful towards you. I don't know what else you expect. If you have something to say to me, say it. I have no problem answering any questions. Now... Have a nice day.



Honestly. How is belittling me and my feelings going to help? Attacking me and making it seem as though I am the bad guy is not going to make your marriage suddenly work properly. I did not know you existed. I am a better person than that. If I knew, then this whole fucked up situation would not exist. At least, not with me! It has happened before, and there is no telling how many times. You can't even be sure it will not happen again! Stop blaming ME for his fucking mistakes.

Yes, I acted terribly towards you when I first found out. I feel horrible. I am not proud of it. Especially once it really hit me that you are a victim as well. You are more the victim in this than I. How many times must I apologize? When will it sink in that I DID NOT DO THIS TO YOU? He did. Not me. Your husband. NOT ME. I am trying my best to be respectful of you, and instead there is childish name calling. Really? I thought we were adults. I even removed a post upon your request, even though I wanted it to stay posted as it expressed what I was feeling. I wanted to show you that I am mature enough to RESPECT YOU... but apparently we are not being mature in all of this. So. I'm blogging.

The way I choose to cope with this is none of your business. Why does it bother you so much that I am trying to move on? Do you want me to still be hung up on your husband? No, I didn't think so. I do love him. It is not going to just *POOF* disappear. As you pointed out, it's only been a week and a half! I just choose to not let it eat away at me anymore. I cried for a week and then I said "enough," and stopped. Crying constantly will not make it better. It will not bring him back or change anything that happened. I decided to focus my energy instead on realizing that he will never be in my life again, and instead be happy that I got to know him while I did. To focus my energy on wishing he finds happiness and peace. I will always care. I am just choosing not to cry anymore.

I'm sorry I don't have less clichéd ways to express my heartache, but that doesn't mean my feelings weren't deep or genuine. I bleed the same color you do. The pain is still very much real and very much a part of me. I have my moments! I find myself lost in thoughts of him again and again, and have to force myself to stop before I start crying more. I do not want to live my life in misery. I have to remind myself that it's done, it's over, and he is never coming back. I have to remind myself that though my situation is difficult, I am not the one who is married to someone that vowed to love me for the rest of my life but cheated... So it could be worse. I respect marriages too much to become what I ended up being. I hate that he put me in that situation. I don't know how many times I can say that had I known, this wouldn't have happened.

I am holding my head up, I am forcing myself to keep the tears away and focus all my energy on the positive. I shouldn't be abused and belittled because I am dealing with things differently than you think I should. How would my constant weeping and pleas for him to come back help anything? I did that for a week, now I'm done. I am still grieving, but in a different way. Watching me suffer will not do anything. Stop focusing on me. I am not the one you need to keep an eye on. I am not the one that started this mess. I am respecting you by not constantly lashing out, trying to convince you to make him talk to me. I would love nothing more than for him to stop being a coward and just apologize, but I am leaving all of that alone. His stupidity and cowardice is not your fault and I have no rights to ask you to do anything for me. So I am moving on without answers or apology... and I will be ok.

So. Again. Stop focusing on me. Stop attacking me. I didn't do this, HE DID.